Blogging With a Side of Hot Coffee
Updated: May 18, 2020
Hot coffee! When does that ever happen when you're a mom? Yet here I am, a hot cup of Cafe Bustelo to my right, our aquamarine pool to my front and a cool morning breeze at my back.
I've missed this. The solitude, the absolute quiet that doesn't exist in a house with a one-year old. Just me and my laptop, or a pen and paper, with my hot cup of coffee. Writing.
How long has it been since I've done this very thing? Too long for me to remember. God bless my husband for encouraging me to do the very thing I love doing; and let's be honest, it took a lot of encouraging, hint dropping, shoulder nudging on his part. But, he never ceased in his continued support of what he knows my dream is. I often wonder how I got so lucky to have such a supportive and understanding husband.
He is my favorite person...well my second favorite at least. As I sit here, floating around in my nostalgia for a time when quiet was a normal thing, I start to miss the very person that has disrupted that quiet in my life. My daughter.
I never understood what love really is before her. I was always worried that I was too selfish to be a mom, that I wasn't capable of being patient, that I didn't want my life to change. But when she came along, it was like a light switched on and I knew that I would give her every part of me that she needed. All of a sudden, I had become the exact opposite of selfish. I had become selfless.
Selfless. That's a scary word, isn't it? To lack in self, to forsake one's own needs. How many mothers do this on the daily? To quote Ramona Vega (the goddess Jennifer Lopez) from the movie Hustlers, "motherhood is a mental illness". If truer words have ever been spoken, I have not heard them.
Being a mother is living in a constant state of irrationality; an ever moving roller coaster of emotions. It's being frustrated to tears when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, for the third time, but feeling your heart swell with love as she lays in your arms seeking comfort. It's feeling guilty anytime you drop them off with someone else so you can have a few, or several, uninterrupted hours to do whatever you need to get done. It's being pushed to your breaking point one minute and then melting in warmth as your child wraps their little arms around your leg in the sweetest, tiny human way.
Being a mom is one of the most selfless acts out there. Yet, most of us enter into this realm of selflessness and forget our sense of self. We forget who we are. We forget to take care of ourselves, because we're so busy taking care of our family. We armor ourselves with our "super mom" cape, our magic "do all the things" wand, our cold cup of coffee and we leave ourselves behind.
I think it's time we take back a little bit of ourselves. I think it's time we start taking care of ourselves the same way we take care of our families. I think it's time we start giving ourselves a little bit of time to have a simple hot cup of coffee.